The adventures of Jo!

Hello!

I would like to share a story with you…

Every morning there is goodmorning talk to the girls. so or the sisters or the teachers speak about something. last tuesday it was my turn. the subject was about sharing your m ission or vocation.

anyway,  I started by saying you can have different “missions”in life and that for me it is just something you really want to do, you really feel it inside and then you try to do… or something like that, i dont know anymore.. but i said something about my past (studies..) and maybe my future (work, marriage or not,…) and then i said, but you all know what my last “mission”or “vocation”or whatever you want to call it, is.

That is coming to cambodia ofcourse. I told them a lot of people dont really understand. THey ask me, why do you go so far? and why for so long?And you must be crazy to work without money. and what about your family and your friends and boyfriend?

“So i thought about this question. And the answer is in this little box ( people who did CMcamps might know it, i had the idea from there). In the box there is something really important for me, it is the reason why i am here, and it is also very very beautiful. “ofcourse, all the students wanted to know what was inside.. but i said i was too shy to show them.. but after a while i said “ok, i will show you but one by one because i am too shy in front of a group to show this”

what was inside, well, it is in the title of this topic. (and first i want to say i really mean this because i realised that i am here for them and that is why i like it.. ofcourse there are other reasons too, but this is the main one. i only realised it when I was here already). but this is not the thing i wanted to share.

i didnt know what i expected how the girls would react when they saw the mirror but it was very strange for me. they started to laugh and laugh or shout “oooo teacher”and sometimes I asked them do you understand? and they came back to have another look and looked very confused, if they didnt understand. nobody else said something about it. So i didnt know if they understand so i felt weird.

but then, friday in my class… There was a girl holding a diary of Kunthea, another girl. she was trying to get it open (it was with a lock). Kunthea said to me, teacher teacher, do you want to see my diary? and i said no, it is your diary, i dont want to know.. and i told once my brother read my diary when i was a kid and i was very angry.. and by the way, it is in Khmer no? and she said she wrote in english… (she is one of the best students english, also really motivated)

anyway, five minutes later, she opened her diary and said, teacher, you really have to read this…

so i read (i am also still a human being who is curious!)

‘today i was very happy because teacher jo told us about her vocation and about coming to cambodia”and then the explanation that i had a box etc.. “i was one of the last ones. i heard the reaction of the other students and i soooo wanted to know what was inside the box. when it was my turn and i opened the box, I saw myself. because there was a mirror in the box. but the meaning of this mirror is much bigger, you cannot explain in words”

I thought this was beautiful.

so now you know too why i am here working for free and far away

The last weeks I had sometimes the feeling that I was 50 years back in time. First of all, I want to say I am not talking about
cambodia itself, but about some values and ways of thinking from the sisters here. And I don’t mean it bad, I mean that I don’t think we are so much better or that they will have to think the same as us. What I do mean is that some things the sisters say here, do remind me of the time in
Belgium years ago…To give examples, I guess you will be thinking”oooo”and “aaaa”and “oh god, so oldfashioned” or why not “jo, what are you doing there” when you are reading these!-girls who wear bikini are bad girls. They don’t have any respect for their body. (Imagine: I heard this when the sister was telling this to the girls. Some months ago I showed my bikini to these girls, telling about that this is what we wear on the beach… I don’t know what the girls think now!!)-confession!!! (last time, I hide myself… I feel like a teenager)-puritiy and chastity! (for the dutch speaking: kuisheid dus!) -prostitutes don’t have values. They want to have easy money. They treat themselves as objects. (I never talked to a prostitute but I know people who did and I read articles too. I don’t agree… I think the sisters should go and talk with them too)-women who choose for abortion don’t have values. They don’t have respect for life. (oh, I wished one of the sisters could experience pregnancy. I don’t really believe any woman is very happy with this decision but there are some situations where I think it is the best choice)-our god is more powerfull than every other god. (and now I don’t tell about some citations about the islam but you can use your imagination) -be a good woman! Clean well and work hard in the house! If you husband sees this, he will love you and respect you and he will not beat you! (Note to David, if you are planning to only love me if I clean well, I think I will beat you!! Hihi ) 

anyway, I will stop now with the citations. I think you know what I mean.But if you think about it, it is not sooo long ago that also people in
belgium thought about this. I think there are still some people who think like this. But now I think you also have certain sentences in your mind about the sisters here. I know because I thought the same. BUT then we are doing the same as they do… We judge. I don’t really know where I want to go with this, but what I want to tell. I live here in this situation where people around me judge differently about what is good, what is bad. If they would know more about me, my history, my thoughts, I don’t know what, they would consider me maybe as bad (or maybe not, but I think they would pray for me a lot). But I don’t really believe that I am bad. But I also see that these women are not bad. The sisters work hard, they really want the best with their students, their children, they have their dreams to help these people who are poor and they want to offer them good education. They work themselves into the hospital (really, some weeks ago there was a sister who had to rest a week in another country because she didn’t sleep enough here). And you can also admire their belief in some way, although you don’t have to agree. What they think or belief, is just a consequence of their own education, their formation, their culture, and their way of living. They don’t really come in contact with certain people or with the real world. And being afraid of others, of the thing you don’t know.. well.. it is not only typical for the sisters no? I can give examples from in
belgium too. (I think I don’t need to give them but a lot of you think about the same things that happened last year, or about a certain very “friendly”political party). So I live here with them. I see that they are not bad, but I also sometimes feel like screaming to them that they should open their eyes and don’t judge people (and also not me!). So I have to find a way to deal with it, no? well, in the beginning I was still thinking, I will be honest and if they ask me a question about something, I will answer honestly and try to explain them. Well, although I still think this would be maybe a good thing to do, I don’t do this. Because I don’t think they would really try to listen or try to understand. Maybe that is the only thing where I have problems with. I don’t really care about the things they say. But I don’t like it that they don’t try to listen and to change. But I know they will not really listen, anyway, not to me at least. The change or openess should come from someone inside them, and I am not planning to become a sister… So what I do now, is listen, say yes, and just avoid some subjects while I am talking with them and think my own thing. And try to understand why they say it, but also still know what I am thinking is not bad either. I was thinking if someone not sure of herself was here, maybe she would be more confused of it. But on the other hand, in my lessons, in my contact with the girls… I will tell them things about myself and about my country. I want them to see that I am not bad because I have a boyfriend or whatever…. I also noticed the girls know very well how to handle the sisters. A lot of the girls are buddhists, so for them it is also sometimes not easy. But yesterday, the sister asked what they want in the future. Ofcourse the sister was delighted when the group said “I want to live with good values”. But I saw the faces of the girls too, which was very funny, they know the sister would be very happy with that answer. But wait a second, ofcourse these girls want to live with good values, I really believed that they mean it. But I don’t believe this is the first thing a 20 years old girl says when you ask her what she wants in the future. I think people answer normally more concrete things on this question. 

Another thing I try to remember is that I can be very angry with people in
belgium too because they don’t think about other people or they don’t try to understand other people experiences. It is something that I sometimes don’t really understand, it is not so difficult. The world would be more beautiful if people try to understand and listen to eachother and try to accept the differences and not to have their own right everywhere. I can have big discussions here with the sisters about abortion, but what will be the consequence? I am not changing my opinion and they will not too, the only thing is that we will have a bad feeling after and maybe don’t like eachother. so it is better to try to respect and understand eachotherSome discussions or wars are quiet useless. We are different. So what? Ofcourse it is difficult to make no judgements at all, everybody does it, sometimes very small ones. But I think you should try to discover them and be conscious about it. If I would make my religion, this would be important for me. Stay open, look around, listen to other people, don’t be afraid of them, try to imagine how it is living in their situation and try to do nothing that will really hurt them and do only things you feel good about and if you do things with other people, they should feel good about it too.  

Anyway, more concrete things. I am still fine! Exams finished, they were quiet good. have met some parents, very nice. The teaching is starting again and I like it although patience is still necessary! With bernadeth is everything ok. And last Sunday I met two belgian doctor students doing their workexperience here, which was nice! And in one month my mother is here! So, time is flying again…I hope you are well! 

Love,Jox 

Another year passed by! 2006 was -if i look back- a really strange year, a lot of things happened! my last year at uni, the struggle with thesis, the feeling of I have enough from studies and certain professors, operation of my  mother, homesick to dublin, more living independently in Ghent, the decision to come to cambodia and all the organisation and thinking and doubts involved with it, and ofcourse David (I wanted to write a really nice sentence about it, but I can not really write what I think/feel, but i guess writing this is nice too no? )

whoops if I am reading this, it looks like I am growing up!

And then, for 2007… I dont really make resolutions.. and i dont want to look forward that much, it is like the first time that I dont really know what will come this year! other years you know, oh yeah, next year I am still studying.. but now it is dark. but so many possibilities and chances. it is great!

anyway, here in cambodia everything is fine for the moment. christmas was nice, although there were also not very nice things (ilaria left to italy due to problems with kidney and eyes… me and berna were a little bit sick at that time so it was very confusing/weird to say goodbye like that) .

new years eve was nice too. me, berna and caroline (english volunteer from another school) dived into the nightlife of Phnom Penh which is quiet interesting to observe. Ofcourse this involves sextourism too, which everybody knows if you see programs on television about thailand, cambodia,…

anyway, i am tired from correcting exams (yes, examtime here! boring for a teacher… ) so I am going to end it here.

i wish everyone of you a fantastic 2007, and i wish you challenges and dreams, an open and non-judgmental look (okay, i know this is wrong english but who cares? dont judge me! hehe..) into the world and a lot of love

Jo x

Dear people,

THe last weeks I had an overdosis christmas but for the moment I am still enjoying it (because it is not christmas yet!)

We didnt had a lot of english classes and if we had it was not our normal class or with more students… so they were strange weeks but fun.

last weekend our girls had to sell at two markets. so the week before: a lot of baking! saturday they sold cookies, cakes,… at the international church. oooo so good that these things were. njammieeeeeeeeeee. on sunday there was a christmas bazaar in the other don bosco centre were they sold a lot of food.

This week was all the time preparing for yesterday… so yesterday… in the morning they were free, a lot of playing, dancing, music… super! in the afternoon we had the christmas play. I was first christmas tree in the dance rocking around the christmas tree.. and than one of the three kings. oh it was very nice…. in the evening we went again to the other centre for the Khmer Christmas Carol (based on Dickens). nicenice! today we had party with the staff and the teachers. here i participated in the fashion show… and we had food and a lot of ice cream!

and the real celebrations still have to come!!!

 but although busy and tiring days (this morning they woke the girls up with loud christmas music.. at 5.30!!! auw) it was nice… and all the people were so happy and it was a lot of fun. I really  love these people…

 anyway, I am putting some pictures online from all these activities! go and have a look! also have a look at this website: http://wina.ugent.be/~hraesvelgr/kerstwens/ 

oh yeah, and have a nice christmas!

Love,

Jo

One of the things a lot of you are maybe wondering is how it is to live with sisters so I will try to write a bit about it!First of all, I don’t see the sisters as much as in the beginning. This is because we are eating in a separate room with the volunteer which is really nice. We see the sisters in the morning at breakfast, and sometimes during the day, but not so much… and ofcourse we see them if we have to ask something.Most of the sisters are really nice and work really hard and care about the students. They are very active in education and like to work with young people, it is typical for salesian sisters.In
Belgium I spend already a weekend with Salesian sisters which was really nice and even a surprise for me because they were more “progressive”than I thought. Here, in
Cambodia, they are a bit more conservative and they are more strict, more rules…. It is normal I think, it is a bit like in
Belgium so many years ago.One of the consequences by living here, is that you also start thinking about your belief. I don`t go praying with the sisters, I don`t go to mass every day and all those things, but you see them doing it. And they ask if you go to mass every Sunday, wich I absolutely don`t do in
belgium. It makes you think  Am I catholic? Or what else am i? Do I believe in something? 

For the moment I have to dissapoint you that I don’t really find the answer yet. I know that a popular answer these days in
Europe is “I don’t believe in church, but I believe in something”But then it stops. Nobody can explain what something is. Anyway, I discovered about myself that going to mass does nothing to me. I don’t feel it is important for me, I don’t get touched by what they are saying (maybe it is because they speak in Khmer but anyway…).. What I do like is the singing in mass, because than there is this athmosphere.. the vibes of people who believe and who sing… it is nice. But I also felt these kind of vibes in other places (for example at a boedhist temple).Saying prayers with words they give us, say nothing to me. I even get more and more annoyed by it because you always have to say you are a sinner and I don’t like the word sin. It sounds so wrong. I don’t know. I don’t believe that God made the world in seven days. I don’t believe in god in the way there is a guy looking at us and changing our life and at the end judge us. I don’t believe in things the Church say or the pope. I also have difficulties understanding what the sisters sometimes mean with things, why they talk like this or that, or why they really think they are for example married with Jesus. For me this is difficult.I have respect for it, and I observe it with a lot of interest, but I will never really understand. But saying in what you not believe is easy no? Believing is a difficult thing. Because believing is not knowing if it is really true. If I look at myself, I know I do something that people say it is praying. Who doesn’t say sometimes Thank you God! Or Please help me God! God is a difficult and complex something. Maybe for me it is more the world, “powers of the world”, people, coincidence, or not coincidence, … If I look at something really beautiful, or enjoy the rain on my skin, or the sun, or there is someone really nice who does something nice for me, or a little kid that smiles or whatever you can think of, and you feel suddenly this feeling of a moment of true happiness and you think wow this is beautiful. Then you thank “god”. For me sitting inside a chapel and saying “thank you god”doesn’t feel right. Enjoying the world is thanking. If I would bake biscuits for you, and you would go in another room saying half an hour thank you JO for these wonderful biscuits without eating them, I don’t know if I would like it. But if you would enjoy eating them and I see that you really enjoy and like it, I would feel pretty proud that I had baked the biscuits.Maybe it is a stupid comparisation. But anyway.another kind of praying –asking help- is something that a lot of people do I think, even if they don’t believe in god and they don’t say god in their asking. If there is something, something difficult or whatever, there is still hope. And you hope something will help you. And expressing that hope, is this kind of prayer I think. I don’t really think it will help. I don’t think we will solve a lot of problems by it, because otherwise the world would be now already without suffering and diseases and war because a lot of people pray for that no? But it gives people strenght and hope, so it doesn’t hurt anyone. And maybe if you get more strenght or a positive view, maybe it will help you solve the problem. I also want to live by certain values. And a lot of them are the Christian values. solidarity….but I think a lot of them you can also find in other religions.I also want to believe that people are good (this is maybe why I joined Join Me! See links!) and that other people will live with the same values one day even if they don`t do it now. This is something I want to believe in, although maybe I know it is not realistic, I don’t know… This is something I hope and I can only work on it by doing it by myself. I also realised that even though I say I don’t really believe in church, church has somewhere a kind of place in my life. It is funny, probably it is because education, culture, tradition… in
Belgium. But I like Christmas, Easter…. And if someone dies/get born/get married/… I still feel like going to church. It is tradition I know. And routine. But why it is bad? If we go to other countries, the first things we want to see is traditions! But in our own country it is bad because than it is something that you do because it is like that and not because you think about it! But I don’t think tradition is bad. And I think there should be something like this, a special place to celebrate some things. I think.So conclusion I don’t know yet. I don’t feel like a real catholic. Because I don’t believe in so many things that catholics should believe in. but because of my background, for the moment I will not completely feel seperated from the church. And I still believe in some things they say. And most of the sisters are doing a good job.  

I am also reading now about budhism. Also interesting, but also here I don’t believe in everything they say and I don’t think I would ever feel a real budhist.  

So anyway, I don`t really found out yet. What I do feel is that the churchthings are really far from my bed. I noticed it more and more being here. So don’t be afraid that I will be a sister J 

Love,JoPs. To say it in the words of nick cave (;-) ) I don`t believe in an interventionist god… (…) but I believe in love!

This morning –due to circumstances and absent teachers – I suddenly had a class of 36 students, first and second years mixed. Not knowing what to teach, I decided to let them talk and think. In groups of four, they had to talk about
Cambodia. Every group had a paper with in the middle
Cambodia and they just had to write what comes into their mind if they think about their country. I thought it would be funny to share you in this, maybe you will get a better image! If some things were mentioned in more groups I will tell you. Some are funny, some are nice, some are also about some negative things. Enjoy! 

-classical music/famous classical music (3x)-pop music (2x)-waterfestival-Khmer Happy New Year-have boxing-have a good prime minister-good food (5x)-a lot of motos(2x), cars (2x) and bicycles (2x) (they didn’t see the lowlands yet J )-have fresh air (of the motos? J no, in countryside indeed)-a lot of small houses-full of traffic accidents (3x)-a lot of poor people/poverty (7x)-the waterfestival and the (cannot read writing) festival during four to six days, we are happy! (2x)-play games at new year-independence day: fireworks-culture, have a sculpture belief (don’t know what they meant with this, that they have lot of sculptures?)-
Angkor wat (5x)-sea food (2x)-a lot of factories (4x)-have nice river and lake-many mountains (2x)-special fish in Crochas province-friendly (2x)-have a lot of pleasant (what?) -have a lot of temples (2x)-forest (3x)-rice (3x) (rice??whereeeeeee? I didn’t notice that…)-nice people (2x)-a lot of animals (2x) -a lot of markets (2x)-music-a lot of fruit (3x)-needy -a lot of fish (2x)-unmisdoing (??? I have no idea what they mean with this)-a lot of trees (2x)-a lot of antique-flood (I think they mean in rain season) -drug-gamble-hooker-sea-Two seasons (according to some there are two seasons, others say three, some say even four… anyway, all agree that we are now in the cold season. Oh yeah, I am so freezing here…) (writing this while I am sweating…) -famine-farms-rich supermarkets (2x)-AIDS-nice shops-immigrants -prime minister-rich people -full of corruption and robbering, killing, bribe, bribering, nepotism, breaking law, sniffing children (one of my first years who want to be a politician she said. And finish all the corruption) (what is sniffing? Does she mean trafficking?)-the Cambodian people still celebrate the traditional.-commercial field, tourism field, industrial field and agricultural field-museum (I cannot read which museum they mean)-royal palace-killing fields-

Sihanoek
Village
Beach and Sea. (2x)-remote area, country side-lot of resort-international organizations-development-the zoo -law education-the graduated job less (?)-the most people grow the rice-good school -television-telephone-road-the children centers-landmines-rock-good: the tourist industry-restaurants-hotels